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Afterlife by ~Lalamags:iconLalamags:



My name is Jamie.
I am five.
My parents think
I'm still alive.

One day after church
A man grabbed me and then
He pulled out a gun
And put it to my head.

"If what you say is true,
Then this boy won't die."
He pulled the trigger.
Mommy cried.

My parents were sad
For a very long time,
But eventually they decided
I was still alive.

Mommy prays for me.
She says I was "saved."
That I'll live forever
In a wonderful place.

I'm not sure what she means.
I'm still here.
I've been watching my parents
All these years.

They don't seem to hear me
And I don't think they can see
That I still live in our house
Just invisibly.
©2007-2008 ~Lalamags
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Submitted: December 29, 2007
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Comments: 121
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Author's Comments

Written in September.

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 2 2 mad 0 0 sad 2 2 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

~NINTheFragile:iconNINTheFragile: Dec 31, 2007, 12:14:56 PM
When i read the last line I said out loud Oh Shit... I love the way you ended this and the story told was very straight to the point and beautifully done... Great Work

--
"Feel the breath slip away from the lung and let life fly away on its broken wings"
-NINTheFragile-
~Lalamags:iconLalamags: Dec 31, 2007, 12:16:43 PM
Thank you! I really appreciate that.

--
Read My Poetry? Please?
My Poetry Gallery: [link]
My Most Faved Poem: [link]
=leoraigarath:iconleoraigarath: Dec 31, 2007, 1:41:07 PM Mood: Amazed
When I’ve finished reading the first stanza I got hooked, because it feels so childish and innocent. It is written actually as if a child wrote it, with all the contradictions and the misunderstanding… very well written.

The last stanza is a beautiful closure, and the last line sums it all up in a very child-like attitude. But still, I loved the first stanza so much. It was captivating.

I also love the story portrayed, it is just as charming as it is gloomy. I have to +fav it, because it deserves it.
And one last thing - Happy new year ^^

--
Will you dance with me?
~Lalamags:iconLalamags: Dec 31, 2007, 1:54:04 PM
Thank you bunches! I was really trying to write it from a childlike point of view; I kept having to go back and change words and such, so I'm glad somebody noticed. :D Happy New Year!

--
Read My Poetry? Please?
My Poetry Gallery: [link]
My Most Faved Poem: [link]
~SilverLupine:iconSilverLupine: Jan 3, 2008, 9:19:19 PM
The end is sweet. I like this, the style works so well with the content.

--
{{silverlupine.deviantart.com}}
~Mirrorakay:iconMirrorakay: Jan 3, 2008, 9:21:55 PM
The first stanza was incredible and it only got better from there. It is so simplistic but powerful at the same time which is very hard thing to achieve. I'm glad I got the chance to read this :D

--
"'I wonder. Is it possible to win a game without knowing the rules? If so, care to challenge me? The last few years have been rather boring.'" ~from my novel Beloved Atrocity- The Blood Reaper
~Lalamags:iconLalamags: Jan 3, 2008, 9:23:52 PM
Thank you! ^^

--
Read My Poetry? Please?
My Poetry Gallery: [link]
My Most Faved Poem: [link]
~Lalamags:iconLalamags: Jan 3, 2008, 9:24:50 PM
Wow, thanks! That's quite a compliment. :)

--
Read My Poetry? Please?
My Poetry Gallery: [link]
My Most Faved Poem: [link]
~Mirrorakay:iconMirrorakay: Jan 3, 2008, 10:14:24 PM
:D It was a well deserved compliment.

--
"'I wonder. Is it possible to win a game without knowing the rules? If so, care to challenge me? The last few years have been rather boring.'" ~from my novel Beloved Atrocity- The Blood Reaper
*jornas:iconjornas: Jan 4, 2008, 5:35:44 PM
I don't know a thing about poetry. It flows nice though.

--
Wea~sal poop in my corn~flakes makes me sad and stuff~